INTERVIEW - Gerard Hogan

In a Political coup this week our guest reporter
Gerard Hogan interviews the:leader of the Liberal Coalition 
Mr Tony Abbott.

INTERVIEW:

GH - G’Day Msssrrrss Rabbit . . . what brings you to the Manly Wharf Hotel

TA - I am trying to stay awake for 36 hours straight and this is the only place still open. . . . What time is it?

GH - Ahh it is about 3.30am, Thursday Night . . .  Am I slurrrrrrring?

TA - Don’t you mean Friday Morning?

GH - Yeah - I guess it is mornin’

TA - And why are you still here on the grog mate?

GH - Well, I am was waiting for the Oracle to turn up but that was  . . . . about 8 hours ago .

TA - Ahhhh . . . My old mate the Oracle.  How do you know Dave?

GH - Can’t remember, ohhh hang on, I played rugby with the Oracle for years  . . . and years . . . .  and years  . . . . and ears . . . .  .oops I didn’t mean to mention the EARS . . . . Sorry MAAAAATE !   I love yooooou!

TA - There not that big. Well as a matter of fact, Dave has already invited me to play Golden Oldies with the Old Crustaceans . 

GH - Hey, we would be the front rowers?  Bookends.  But I don't know if you would be up to our standard.  I saw you try to bounce a Aussie Rules footy on TV and then throwing a ball with some school kids?  . . .  . . You’re a Total Unco!

TA - Well I did play 1st grade for Sydney Uni, and represented Australia at a university level and represented the Parliament against the Japanese consulate.  What is your claim to fame buddy!

GH - Well I once represented  . . . . . . . Lord Howe Island.

TA - Is that it? God I am so tired and talking to IDIOTS

GH - F#%k off! I’ve been here drinking by myself for 8 hours . . .  I hate politicians . . . especially you . . . .You can go and get fu. . . .   Ohh . . . I need a sleep. . . . 

TA - My god! Why do I put myself through this?  F@*K IT!  I have been so good for 5 weeks?  Not talking my mind, focusing on the policy - well I have had enough! STOP the boats!   STOP the Debt,  STOP new Taxes. . . . . . .  Where’s my PA. . . . .  Ring Julia and tell her I have had enough . . . ITS all OVER! This guy has pushed me over the edge . . .  I am finished!

GH - Hey Hey settle there pet. . . Do ya want to share a Kebab?

 

Gerard’s actual report:

I extracted a "non-core" promise from him that he would play for the Old Crustaceans in the Golden Oldies  tournament.  I reminded him that he had promised The Oracle that he would play. I said that as I had hurt my neck there was a spot for him in the front row, but they were big boots to fill (I should have said 'shorts').