A funny think happened one day against Hunters Hill
It was back in 2000 and Old Iggies took on Hunters Hill at Ryde. Our diminutive 5/8 that was day was Petter Grattan. Hunters Hill were running middle of the table and we needed a win to stay in touch with the leaders.
We had a game plan, devised by supercoach, Baz Donohoe. The plan was simple . . . . . . . . . at all costs try to avoid a collision with the Hunters Hill Outside Centre and ex Samoan international Junior Saoi' Fafiuta Maileasi.
What happen next is still fiercely debated.
Here are 3 accounts of what happened that day
Part A: The Victim
It was a warm sunny late July day 2000 and 2nd grade had just had a convincing will over HH. I was feeling pretty good about myself, a reasonable game at fly half scoring a meat pie and generally controlling the game behind a pack that was going forward. The family was there .. Buster in his splendid green slacks, Bec had brought down a 2 year Cam to watch.
Following a victory, most of second grade settled in on the Western sideline at the North End of Ryde International. A couple of conspicuous disappearances happened in the next 20 mins:
1) Dan Adamo - the flying dentist - went to BBQ and never came back
2) Jules 'Tiges' Facer - the aging winger who loved the move 'dentist' - went to see his girlfriend on the hill, and never came back
At 3:52pm (5 minutes prior to half time), I had just knocked the froth off my first VB (Thanks to rehydration consultants Tobeth & Harro) when first grade fullback Chris Newton went down in a tackle on the far side of the oval. Todd smart flew over in a flash to attend and it was soon discovered, his dodgy shoulder was no longer attached to his person and it was only his jersey and skin that was keeping it in place. A 000 call was made and ambulance was dispatched from West Ryde.
Coach Bazmati, looked searchingly around the sideline for a reserve full-back, and in a master stroke picked the massive second grade no. 10 to stop the marauding south Pacific Islanders. C'est Moi.
I quickly downed the VB, knowing I needed the energy and took my place stoically defending our line. The scrum took place about 20 out, ball went through hands and the HH Outside centre (by the name of Junior Saoi' Fafiuta Maileasi) took the ball under his left wing and broke through the first line of defence. The ball looked like a peanut under his arm.
As he swatted would be tacklers away they laid around him like victims of a Hurricane. There was Logerilli, following behind , not looking to make a tackle, rather just being sucked into his vortex . Junior Saoi' looked up from under his sloping brow with spit dripping from his mouth and saw the final a red, white and blue man in his path.
He was moving at pace and weighing in at 125.8kgs he had momentum. His knees were high. His elbows were flailing. Time stood still (3.56pm).
I attempted the only manoeuvre a 72kg man could to prevent his inertia, the 'human speed-hump technique'. I threw myself at his legs in the hope I was slow him enough for others to bring him to a halt. It was successful. He was brought to ground 5 out from the try line. A ruck ensued. The ball was cleared. I was but a puddle on the bottom.
In a brilliant piece of judgement, I had placed my jaw into his right knee that made it buckle and he fell to the ground as Logerelli fell over the top of his back. Unfortunately my jaw did not take to that impact well.
The first sight I remember is Schmoddley standing over me. "You alright Grats" - "I dink I briijijfk mu gaaw" was the response.
I was removed from the pitch to allow play to continue. It had appeared I had lost a bottom middle tooth. All and sundry conducted many emu parades looking for said tooth without luck. I was took priority over Newt's ambo which arrived. The paramedics had to put me in a neck brace, which I am sure is not how you treat a broken jaw.
I discovered at RNSH I had not lost a tooth, rather my jaw had split and the gap was a result.
7 weeks eating through a straw - best diet I ever had.
Part B: The Bi-Stander
If it please the court:
I was playing that day and suspect that some part of my
body came into contact with the Grattanski melon at said point of impact.
I was proceeding in a northerly direction at Stade de
Ryde, in pursuit of a large male of Polynesian appearance who was holding a
football.
It was unclear at that stage whether the football was his
or whether he had stolen it. I was attempting to apprehend him.
He was proceeding at a velocity clearly above the speed
limit and was approaching Grattanski in a dangerous and reckless manner.
Grattanski had prepared a roadblock and was also
attempting to apprehend the suspect.
As the suspect reached the roadblock he baulked and
dropped his shoulder into the aforementioned Grattanski.
As I was pursuing from behind, the sudden loss of speed
from the suspect meant that as I launched at him, I was catapulted over his
back and the three of us landed in an untidy heap on the ground.
When the suspect and I arose, he showed me a receipt for
the purchase of the football at which point I apologized.
We both heard a groaning noise coming from the ground and
turned to find The Road Block trying to relocate his jaw from under his right
ear.
We stood back to allow the paramedic to gain access.
I took no further part in proceedings.
I estimate the time of the incident to have been
approximately 3.56pm in July 2000.
Regards,
Andrew Logan
C/- Ryde Book Depository.
Part C: The Bio Pic
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| Peter Grattan - Before |
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| Junior Saoi - or close approximate |
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| Peter Grattan - After |
