Return of the Old Waterfowlians...

PROLOGUE

Just disclosing up front that the following is NOT in fact a brand new, hot off the presses post having been originally sent around the 5^th Grade email loop waaaay back in 2003 (or 4?). I started looking around for it in response to the string of increasingly dispirited emails lamenting the more or less constant rain (and resulting parade of inconveniently timed make up games….used to HATE mid week games).

‘Course it seems to have entirely stopped raining now but what the hey….

IGGIES Vs THE WATERFOWL XV

Operating on the assumption that no council has the balls to let 150 odd blokes turn their ovals into something resembling the Somme (circa 1917) tomorrow I have lined up a game against the only team willing to front up during the current deluge - the Forestville Old Waterfowlians.

They are keen to play and assure me that the fact that they are in fact ducks should not encourage us to hold back in the least. I must concur with this as they are a side easily underrated by the unwary. I have seen these guys play in a couple of tournaments (The Kakadu Invitational and Amazon Wetlands Sevens back in 96) and they are devastating in the lineouts, easily out jumping the opposition (though they have a tendency once launched to carry on flying in a southwards direction). Fortunately their hooker can't throw for sh*t. Their pack is a bit light on and I thought they may have substituted one or two geese the last time I saw them play just to make up the weight.

It is in the backs that they really let.................fly. They have speed, height and a wicked head bob in the larger puddles. Fortunately they only really have one backline move which involves them flying up field in a V formation quacking loudly. A number of teams have come up with ways to counter this tactic but the one employed by the Texas NRA touring side at the Kakadu Invitational works the best. Basically, it involves the fullback digging a hole in the in goal, camouflaging it with hessian sacking and branches then blasting away with a 12 gauge when the wedge hits the 22 (The NRA fullback did get 10 in the bin but the Waterfowl were unable to convert the extra man.....er.....duck advantage).

Another move that works well in attack is to keep pushing the blind side while your opposite wing blows on one of those duck whistle thingys to attract the defence’s attention.

Finally - if we can punish them hard in the first half they tend to go to pieces discipline wise in the second and start quacking uncontrollably at the ref like a bunch of old women.

Also, if they happen to get REALLY badly injured, they taste great wrapped in a pancake with some Hoi Sin sauce.

Still looking for a venue - something in a nice mud flat, kick off will be at low tide. Crumbled up 2 week old bread is optional.